this is a bunch of old songs that were meant to be on an LP, but due to stylistic and thematic changes (lol not really) i decided to let them fall away for now. possibly to be re-recorded, possibly to be left to wither and be forgotten
She (despite being kind of vague, time-wise) is about pot sometimes introducing a crippling anxiety into my mindbrain, the absolute worst of those times being with a girl i greatly (GREATLY) admired waiting for me to make love to her. pot caused me to have an anxiety attack, and somehow completely nullify any positive feelings i had when i saw her face. fuck you marijuana. sorry AN i miss you/
Victim is about a few things. mostly me "coming out" to my parents as depressed, and my mom reacting by saying "oh don't be silly, you're perfect! you've got everything going for you! there's no way that you could be depressed" and them subsequently wondering why i never want to talk to her. also, it's about growing a mohawk, writing sad songs, and being way too dramatic all in hopes that your parents notice something's wrong just so you don't have to fucking start *that* conversation. also it's about not being able to locate the source of unhappiness.
Suspended, Out There is actually the first song i ever wrote (without accompanying music) that has ever been "formally" released (what is this anyway? an EP? LP? XP?) i found it one senior year lodged in an old accordion folder. It's about my sister (my best friend during my middle school years) leaving home and having no buffer between my malleable/empty/chronically lonely adolescent mind and my (frankly) emotionally and mentally unstable mother.
Break is about how I actually used to be extremely jealous of the attention my little brother would get from my parents and how i used to torture him in a shallow attempt to raise my self-esteem. as soon as i got old enough to realize how awful it was, i stopped, but i'll always feel guilty about not being a better brother to him, and having to ask him for any help ever always feels unjustified because of the pain i caused him in the past, even though right now it feels like he's doing way better than me.
Trixie Tang is about being raised a golden child. growing up, people (mostly adults) always told me how smart/funny/considerate/handsome I was so it all amounted to me not trying to live up to any of those qualities anymore. Trixie Tang is the hottest girl in school and everyone wants to be friends (or more) with her, and when I read this (non-erotic) fanfiction comic about how lonely she really was i truly identified with her sadness and reluctance to match the pressure others had put on her.
Amplifier is the most shallow song I ever wrote, it's about me getting a new amp, stealing my friends tubes out of his amp, falling in love with the tone, and subsequently recording all of the guitars on the song with a DI and amp simulator.
Carcinogens is the first song i wrote under the aches pseudonym and it's not very good. it's vaguely about people who smoke being forced to stand in the cold outside restaurants/bars, but i tried (and failed) to be algernon-y and make the lyrics kinda weird so yeah
Friends of Convenience is about lot of "fake" friends, but in particular, a shitty narcissistic friend that, despite how much I loathed him, kept weaseling his way into my fucking life. my mom loved him (probably identified with those narcissistic qualities), my school put us in the same room every M-F for four fucking years so i pretty much sat there silently with resentment waiting for high school to end so i could go no contact and move on.
released January 11, 2014
i'm griffin and i recorded all guitars/voices/basses/drums/synths on this record and i fucked it up in post, but who gives a shit.
thanks to my friends for being patient with my infinitely unstable consciousness and for listening to these songs and telling me what the think/thought.
thanks to everyone and anyone who hears these songs and feels anything resembling a connection, because chances are if you do then you have felt pain or are currently feeling pain and it's important to learn from that pain while performing the balancing act of constantly trying to not let it define us.
also thanks to bomb the music industry, algernon cadwallader, glocca morra, gunk, pizza, porn, the rest of the internet, and the brave little abacus for being the only reason i get out of/stay in bed.
all rights reserved