these are all old songs

by aches

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02:09
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01:57
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03:11
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01:18
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about

this is a bunch of old songs that were meant to be on an LP, but due to stylistic and thematic changes (lol not really) i decided to let them fall away for now. possibly to be re-recorded, possibly to be left to wither and be forgotten

She (despite being kind of vague, time-wise) is about pot sometimes introducing a crippling anxiety into my mindbrain, the absolute worst of those times being with a girl i greatly (GREATLY) admired waiting for me to make love to her. pot caused me to have an anxiety attack, and somehow completely nullify any positive feelings i had when i saw her face. fuck you marijuana. sorry AN i miss you/

Victim is about a few things. mostly me "coming out" to my parents as depressed, and my mom reacting by saying "oh don't be silly, you're perfect! you've got everything going for you! there's no way that you could be depressed" and them subsequently wondering why i never want to talk to her. also, it's about growing a mohawk, writing sad songs, and being way too dramatic all in hopes that your parents notice something's wrong just so you don't have to fucking start *that* conversation. also it's about not being able to locate the source of unhappiness.

Suspended, Out There is actually the first song i ever wrote (without accompanying music) that has ever been "formally" released (what is this anyway? an EP? LP? XP?) i found it one senior year lodged in an old accordion folder. It's about my sister (my best friend during my middle school years) leaving home and having no buffer between my malleable/empty/chronically lonely adolescent mind and my (frankly) emotionally and mentally unstable mother.

Break is about how I actually used to be extremely jealous of the attention my little brother would get from my parents and how i used to torture him in a shallow attempt to raise my self-esteem. as soon as i got old enough to realize how awful it was, i stopped, but i'll always feel guilty about not being a better brother to him, and having to ask him for any help ever always feels unjustified because of the pain i caused him in the past, even though right now it feels like he's doing way better than me.

Trixie Tang is about being raised a golden child. growing up, people (mostly adults) always told me how smart/funny/considerate/handsome I was so it all amounted to me not trying to live up to any of those qualities anymore. Trixie Tang is the hottest girl in school and everyone wants to be friends (or more) with her, and when I read this (non-erotic) fanfiction comic about how lonely she really was i truly identified with her sadness and reluctance to match the pressure others had put on her.

Amplifier is the most shallow song I ever wrote, it's about me getting a new amp, stealing my friends tubes out of his amp, falling in love with the tone, and subsequently recording all of the guitars on the song with a DI and amp simulator.

Carcinogens is the first song i wrote under the aches pseudonym and it's not very good. it's vaguely about people who smoke being forced to stand in the cold outside restaurants/bars, but i tried (and failed) to be algernon-y and make the lyrics kinda weird so yeah

Friends of Convenience is about lot of "fake" friends, but in particular, a shitty narcissistic friend that, despite how much I loathed him, kept weaseling his way into my fucking life. my mom loved him (probably identified with those narcissistic qualities), my school put us in the same room every M-F for four fucking years so i pretty much sat there silently with resentment waiting for high school to end so i could go no contact and move on.

credits

released January 11, 2014

i'm griffin and i recorded all guitars/voices/basses/drums/synths on this record and i fucked it up in post, but who gives a shit.

thanks to my friends for being patient with my infinitely unstable consciousness and for listening to these songs and telling me what the think/thought.

thanks to everyone and anyone who hears these songs and feels anything resembling a connection, because chances are if you do then you have felt pain or are currently feeling pain and it's important to learn from that pain while performing the balancing act of constantly trying to not let it define us.

also thanks to bomb the music industry, algernon cadwallader, glocca morra, gunk, pizza, porn, the rest of the internet, and the brave little abacus for being the only reason i get out of/stay in bed.

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aches Marlboro Township, New Jersey

Griffin Silver

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Track Name: She
she sheds her clothes. she laughs and curls her toes. time moves too slow when you are close. she thinks that she knows what she's doing. lying to make life seem worth living. staring at your ceiling and trying to hide this feeling. you're far too stoned and not alone.
Track Name: Victim
you've got plenty of space in your big bedroom. contemplate what's really bugging you. is it your intake of entertainment for taking pain away? so far its pretty hard to leave your friends and family's mouth's ajar. not so shocking news of quiet unsurprised and acting like it. stay edgy and unpredictable. stay mad, your mood's unmalleable. make sure your friends don't know that you make sure all your days are miserable. take charge of who you are. you are the dealer of your own cards. 21 is not so far you have a 9 and ace of hearts. success; just a rumor built around you being a loser. everybody's in on it no-one thinks you're cut out for it. you will not be a part of this. stay home and watch the highlight clip. you self-aware enough to realize the things you know you cant admit. it shouldn't take a smoke or drink to know that life isn't infinite. cross lines that aren't meant to be (crossed), see things that you aren't meant to see. fuck those who say that you are not in charge of your own fucking destiny.
Track Name: Suspended. Out There.
taking off forever and leaving houses empty. making choices for nobody. never feeling moves of the ground beneath my feet. always feeling incomplete.
Track Name: Break (Sticks and Stones)
i'm not sad that you're still mad, cause it was my intention to push you off the edge until you bled. not sure what you wanted. but if it has anything to do with the qualities you've been flaunting, i'm not buying, so stop trying. i make a rude remark about your hair you don't seem to care. false reliance on your sticks and stones don't make you feel any less alone. i know that you don't know that. park your car, lock the door, then when you get inside look at all the useless shit that lines your floor. salt and gum, not used as intended. take a look at all the semi-broken crap that you have mended. am i there? can i be there? i don't wanna be a thorn in your side or a paragon to which you can't compare. i've had troubles with sticks and stones and the constant injury to which my heart is prone, but your bones seem to be fully intact. take your mixture for a new adhesive put me back together with my broken pieces cause i can't break you now.
Track Name: Trixie Tang
a screw that gets tighter with each turn. you know everything. you're unwilling to learn. new information doesn't concern you unless it has to do with miley's return-- you don't care how you get by. you make excuses and rationalize that none of these things will be fixed by the time you're 35. they take you serious, just as you planned. you're so mysterious. you're such an interesting friend. you are mistaking your wants for needs. you're getting harder and harder to please. the biggest accident wasn't the world, it was you thinking it was made so you can get what you deserve. you lie awake at night wondering why the hell you lie. is it because you aren't built for this? the constant playing to their strengths. the trivial bullshit you hate but have to cave to. everyones' perceptions own you. (don't make some shit up you know they'll listen to) thoughts you're conceiving; of laments and grieving? the LIES you're weaving? they are (in fact) believing. the songs that "WAKE YOU UP INSIDE," your parents giving you a ride, two thousand guys that love your face, don't comfort you inside this place. the birds don't judge the lower sound, the frequency close to the ground. they choose to not participate. find someone you do not hate and tell them everything you know, about feeling empty/hollow, when everyone around you thinks, you are so fucking interesting.
Track Name: Amplifier Demo
my amp spent it's first day on its face. manipulated sonic shapes stem from a change of tubes that help the speaker emanate grooves. buzzing clear. moving particles of air and water to the side while they take liberties and i get to take waves for joyrides. a silence followed by a buzzing from the cable thats unplugged wakes you up from sleeping. pitches you picked are not worth keeping. you throw your plank across the floor, you have become dissatisfied in you, yeah you used to do more, but that spark inside you has died. mercurial mad complex. temper to reach an apex. the tone that this machine inflects beats watching nasty carwrecks. it is amplification. a cable with folded extras is picking up the radio station. lets call and ask for Heccra! mmmmm the warmth from valves on. the skittering electrons, the moving freely subatomic lacking any surface tension. an old frustration you can't move, you are held down in midair, you don't have mass to get momentum. problem solved! i smile bashfully while you take everything that my hands choose to produce and make it sweet like melon juice. my fingers twitch and it sounds like shit in any other unit. you are my newfound favorite. magnet receive. take it from me. notes with a loud buzz, twinkles and amp fuzz. taking from tubes and making it all about you. the truth is i'm glad i sold my soul for you.
Track Name: Carcinogens
you gotta put that shit out before you come in. your cigarette smoke's carbonating carcinogens. your filthy habits make you fucking subhuman and your need for nicotine is practically religion. a swift kick to the back of your tongue, a broken neck, and rotten lungs don't sound that fun... at least not like they did once. you didn't know what you would become. you inhale the toxins, you fuck like a dog, you lost sight of what is right and you're lost in your own mental fog. "you can stop whenever you want." yeah, death will be your pause.
Track Name: Friends of Convenience, Nothing More
you'll make changes and lose best friends to high school ending once & 4evr. the ties that aren't that hard to sever are ones born out of a simple convenience, because it is so awful to sit there in silence even if you have nothing to say that's really important. fuck the people who made you uncomfortable, it's really okay that you aren't sociable. things can be better inside your skin if you keep reminding yourself that in the end, nothing matters as long as your happy. even if your best friend deserves a slap, he is not as aware of the problem as I so he lives out his 24 hours a day wondering why you don't feel going like to the skate park or can only talk about music or art.
no you can't relate to a thing that they say cause you've already booked up the rest of your days with a bit of self hatred and lots of deciding whether or not tonight is when you're dying make a note of the differing taste take a snapchat of your own sad face and thank the gods you're getting out of this place where no one will ever ask you to do anything